


To Hell and Back

by orphan_account



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: I do horrible stuff to the people I like, I have no regrets, I'm a horrible person, I've come to terms with it, If this isn't your cup of tea turn back now, M/M, PTSD, Paparazzi are dicks, Rape, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Secrets, Suicidal Thoughts, Tony Angst, Tony Feels, Triggers, Trust Issues, mainly Tony, misjudgement, quick judgement, seriously, this is not a happy fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-12
Updated: 2013-02-20
Packaged: 2017-11-29 01:33:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/681183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony has a reputation. Use 'em and leave 'em. No one had been surprised when he and Pepper had broken up, it was pretty much expected. When he and Steve came out to the public that they were in a relationship people were surprised that womanizer Tony Stark and Americas golden boy were gay, but the expectations were the same. So when photos are released to the media of playboy Tony Stark in bed with another guy people accept it without a doubt, not questioning what's underneath because, come on, it's Tony Stark. What were you expecting?</p>
<p>WARNING! There are some triggary stuff in this fic, so you might want to check the tags if that can be a problem for you.</p>
<p>**on hiatus**</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. LIFE is short, DEATH is sure, HEAVEN and HELL are real

Tony knew what would happen if this had gotten out. He knew. That's why he had been thorough in keeping it hidden - well, as thorough as he could have been in that situation.

His phone sat on the brown leather seat next to him ringing for the tenth time in the last five minutes, Peppers face smiling up at him. He remembered when he took that picture. He had rented a lodge up in Alaska for the weekend, they both needed to get away from the responsibilities, the press, the _world_. They were taking a walk when he dropped back. When she turned around, a snowball hit her square in the chest. In her shocked stupor he had taken the chance to hit her again and war was declared. When it was over, her face was flushed from the cold and the fight. A grin took up half of her face as laughter spilled out of her. Her eyes were the most beautiful by far. She was so beautiful in that moment that he wanted to capture the moment forever. It was his favorite photo of her.

He smiled as he remembered that time, before they realized that it wasn't going to work and broken up.. Before she had fallen for Happy. Before he had fallen in love with Steve. Steve. The name brought him up from his thoughts, guilt twisted his insides. The phone had stopped ringing, he had a minute of reprieve before it started again, this time it was Rhodey. Taking a steadying breath he answered the phone

"Hey! Rhodester! Long time no," Tony paused, "hear." He could hear Rhodey's breath through the speaker. The silence stretched on for what seemed to be an eternity. Finally, he spoke.

"What happened, Tony?" Tony's stomach dropped.

"What do you mean?" It sounded strained, even to his own ears, especially to his own ears. There was silence from them both. After a minute, Rhodey broke the silence. "Check the news." Tony froze.

Nothing good ever came with those words.

Slowly, ever so slowly, he pulled out his spare tablet from the hidden compartment in the passenger side seat. He stared at the blank screen for what felt like forever, but at the same time, none at all. During this time his brain screamed at him. _No! No, don't do it! Put it back, you don't want to see this…_ "Tony?" Tony started, he had forgotten about Rhodey.

"What? Yeah, uh," He swallowed, his mouth felt like it was stuffed full of cotton. "JARVIS, the news, please." The screen came to life showing a man in a suit and tie, underneath him in large white lettering resting on a deep red background making it all the more vivid was the headline 'Tony Stark caught cheating on Captain America'. He stareed numbly at the headline, only half listening to what the man was saying.

_"Everyone knows of the relationship between Tony Stark and Steve Rogers, also known as Iron Man and Captain America, since they shocked the world by coming out as a couple a year ago. Now, that relationship may be over. Scandalous photos were leaked earlier this morning of Tony Stark engaging in sexual intercourse with another man..."_

The screen changed to show an enlarged still frame. In the frame, Tony lay on the ground, propped up by an elbow. Over him leaned another man, the angle made it impossible to make him out suggesting he knew where the camera was. Their mouths were connected in a fierce kiss, hands grabbing at each other. Their clothes were in complete disarray, the Arc Reactor in full view.

Tony sat there dumbly staring at the tablet in his hands. The world sped by outside the window, but inside the metal casing it was like nothing else existed. Nothing but the headline and the photos that were still appearing, each photo showing less and less clothes and more discriminating evidence. Finally it got to the point where they had to start to blur out parts of the photo.

"...Tony? ...Tony!" Rhodey’s voice faintly drifted through the fog of his brain, "Tony, what happened? TONY!"

The thin wall separating him from the outside world shattered. Staring at the tablet in horror Tony chucked it to the other side of the car like it had burned him. Ending the call, he turned off the phone and let it slip from his fingers to hit the floor of the vehicle with a dull thud. Leaning forward, he placed his elbows on his knees and rested his head in his hands.

 _He recorded it. That asshole recorded it. And put it online! what am I going to do? I can't... I can't. Not even Steve, oh God,_ Steve! _Has he seen this? What does he think? Everyone has seen... but they don't...How am I going to fix this? Can it even be fixed? I could... No! No. I can't. I can nev-_

"Boss?" Happy's voice snapped him out of his thoughts and his panic, "Boss, we may have trouble." Great how much more trouble can there be? He didn't see how it could get any worse. But of course it can, and will. And of course this fuckery can be summed up with one word. Paparazzi.

In front of the mansion gate a crowd of people had gathered. Half a dozen news vans were parked off to the sides, cameramen and reporters scattered around for a good view, the photographers doing the same. He even spotted Peter in the crowd, no doubt Jameson had sent him. At least, from what he could see, he looked uncomfortable and guilty.

Hesitating for a moment he looked apprehensively at the crowd that had gathered at the front of his house, deciding whether he wanted to face them or tell Happy to turn around and take him to a hotel, the airport, anywhere but there. The accusing stares, the judgement so clear in their voice, on their face, in their eyes was almost too much. People always compared them to piranhas, but they were more like mosquitoes. Piranhas aren't the frenzied meat eaters that they're made out to be. That happens at some points, when they're starving, when the water is low and they can't find food, but the reputation is undeserved. Mosquitoes on the other hand are parasites. They swarm you, feed off you, and leave you miserable. But Steve was in there, and he couldn't run from him. Never him.

"Boss?" Happy turned in his seat to look at Tony. Sunglasses covered half his face, hiding his eyes and expression. For that, he was grateful, he didn't know if he could take that look from someone as close as Happy is at right this particular moment. At any rate he already looked closed off and cold, just like any other bodyguard he's had over the years.

Tony nodded his head, a small movement, barely anything at all, but Happy understood and, steeling themselves, they walked into the Hellblaze.


	2. The Devil's in the Details

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve wakes up to find Tony gone and an unwelcome surprise on the tv

Bright sunlight streamed through the window rousing Steve from his sleep. He yawned and snuggled deeper into the soft pillows and silky blankets. He hadn't slept well that night, his dreams cold and lonely and uninviting. He had been having less and less of those dreams of late since he had started sleeping with Tony, and when he did Tony would be there to comfort him. His hand stretched out, searching for his partner, but found a cold bed in his place. That explains that.

"JARVIS, where's Tony?" Steve asked the A.I.

JARVIS replied instantly, the British voice seeming to come from everywhere and nowhere. "Sir is not currently in the building, nor am I aware of his presence elsewhere."

"So, you don't know." Steve put it simply

"Correct. Sir did not return last night after the Fireman’s Banquet nor have I had any information on where he might be." That worried Steve.

He was about to order JARVIS to...to... He realized that he couldn't have JARVIS do anything that he probably already hasn't done. It wasn’t the first time Tony had disappeared for the night, he was a big boy and he's survived this long without him. He'll be fine.

With a sigh, Steve resigned himself to just having JARVIS inform him the moment Tony returned.

Swinging his legs out of bed he grabbed a towel out of the linen closet and headed for the bathroom. A nice hot shower should wash his worries away.

 

***

 

Steve walked down the hall towards the kitchen for a late breakfast. The shower helped a lot but there was still that naggeling of worry he always got when Tony was out of his sight, especially when he didn't know where he was. Usually he could ignore it, and that's what he did now.

Steve whistled an old tune from back in the 1940s as he strode into the kitchen. He had long since forgotten the lyrics, he remembered mentions of an apple tree, but the tune remained. It was one of those last nights before they infiltrated the main Hydra base on that last mission to bring down the Red Skull. They all knew that there was a good chance that one, or all, of them were not going to make it. They had already lost one of their own after all. They each had a drink in hand and a woman in their arms, all except for Steve who stood off to the side. He doesn't know who started the singing, but it was one of those bittersweet moments that he will never forget.

But as much as he reminisced about the past and wished he could go back to at least say goodbye and get that last dance with Peggy, if he had an option between returning to live there - the time he left behind - and staying here, there would be no competition. As much as he loved the past he couldn't go back. Not after creating a life here, becoming apart of a family... and being loved by the best part of his life.

He whistled as he strode in, grabbing the milk out of the overly large, extremely full fridge, a bowl and spoon, and the box of Wheaties. Sitting down at the kitchen table with his bowl of cereal, he was distracted by a voice coming down the hallway. With his enhanced hearing, Steve couldn’t help but catch part of their conversation. "Yeah. Yeah, I know, Phil. Stark screwed up," Steve instantly perked up, listening intently, "and he deserves everything that's coming, but Steve doesn't. The least he could have done was made sure this didn't get out, but then we probably wouldn't even know...Yeah, I know. But who's going to do it? Stark’s the one who usually deals with the press, he has the most experience...Yeah, okay. And Phil, don't worry about this happening with us, it'll never happen. I Love you."

Clint's head was bowed as he strolled into the kitchen, smile ghosting his lips before it faded away with a weary sigh. Only when he looked up and made eye contact with Steve did he notice he was there. Immediately he froze in his tracks, mouth forming a silent _shit!_

The two men stared at each other, neither speaking, not moving an inch. Finally, submitting to the fact that he would have to be the one who spoke first, Steve began, "Clint..."

"How much do you know?" Barton asked in a rush.

"I know that you and Phil are talking about me and Tony behind our backs and it seems pretty damn important. Clint, if there's something wrong, as leader of this team, I should be one of the first to know," Steve said, annoyance heavy in his voice.

Barton stared down at Steve, still sitting in front of his long forgotten cereal. To outsiders, Clint would be a blank slate right now, thoughts undetectable. To Steve he was conflicted. Finally, one of his wills seemed to have won when he spoke with great adverseness. "You'll find out at some point, it's probably best if one of us shows you it instead of finding out on your own." He turned and walked out of the kitchen to the adjoined rec room. Steve, hesitating for a second, got up and followed, abandoning the bowl of soggy Wheaties.

Barton stopped in front of the main couch directly in front of the giant TV. Turning to face him, he started speaking. "Earlier this morning some pictures were released online of Tony with another man."

Steve frowned, not grasping what was said and voicing it, "What are you talking about?"

Barton closed his eyes, dropped his head, and sighed. The unfeeling unemotional mask dropped and he was no longer Agent Barton of S.H.I.E.L.D. but Clint Barton, fellow Avenger and friend. When he looked back up, sadness and pity clouded his eyes 'You know what I'm talking about and I'm so sorry' they seemed to say.

"That's not the only thing," Clint continued. "It was released on the Internet, so of course the news stations would get wind of them. It's all they're talking about." Clint flipped on the TV to some news station showing a man in a suit and tie, underneath him in large white lettering resting on a deep red background making it all the more vivid was the headline 'Tony Stark caught cheating on Captain America'. He stared numbly at the headline, only half listening to what the man was saying.

_"Everyone knows of the relationship between Tony Stark and Steve Rogers, also known as Iron Man and Captain America, since they shocked the world by coming out as a couple a year ago. Now, that relationship may be over. Scandalous photos were leaked earlier this morning of Tony Stark engaging in sexual intercourse with another man..."_

The screen changed to show an enlarged still-frame. In the frame, Tony lay on the ground, propped up by an elbow. Over him leaned another man, their mouths were connected in a fierce kiss, hands grabbing at each others. Their clothes were in complete disarray, but the Arc Reactor was in full view.

Steve’s world spun. He felt as if he was out at sea in the middle of a hurricane with nothing to grab on to. His body seemed to freeze and he could feel the clutches of the ice grab onto him as he was pulled under. He was as lost and confused and afraid as he had when he first woke up in this new century. He looked over at Clint, desperately grasping for a clue that this was a misunderstanding, or some sick joke, but all he saw was pity in the archers eyes… and the photos were still coming, each photo showing less and less clothes and more and more damning evidence. Finally it got to the point where they had to start to blur out parts of the photo.

Snatching the remote off of the glass coffee table he turned off the TV, nearly breaking off the tip whilst doing so. Setting the device on the cushion next to him he leaned forward and buried his face in his hands, breathing in shaky breaths.

A hand settled on his shoulder making him jump. Clint pulled his hand back as if it had been burned, startled expression ghosting over his features, but as soon as it had arrived it had gone. Clint hesitated before putting his hand back. "You probably want to be alone right now so I'm going to leave, but if you need someone to talk to you can talk to me, and I'm sure I speak for Phil and Natasha and everyone else." With a small sympathetic smile, he left.

 

***

 

Tony slammed the mansion doors shut, effectively cutting off the noise of the reporters and cameras. If he could just get to his workshop without meeting anyone. Of course he would have to face Steve sooner or later, but he would rather it be later.

He was sliding past the rec room when a voice stopped him dead in his tracks. "What happened, Tony?" Steve lifted his head out of his hands, having been like that since Clint had left. "Was it me? Did I do something wrong?"

Tony’s stomach dropped. He had been hoping he could stall this moment for even a little bit longer, if only just to prepare. "You've seen." He slipped on his business man mask, the one he had perfected when he was young and his parents were still alive. His face and voice giving nothing away.

That sent Steve into a rage. Hopping up from the couch he shouted, "Of course I have. It's all people are talking about!" Tears slipped down his face from eyes displaying a thousand different emotions, most prominently hurt, confusion, and disbelief.

Tony watched this with cold unemotional eyes, never taking them off of the blond haired man that he had come to love. Both were silent for minutes, staring each other down, daring the other to speak. Finally, breaking eye contact Tony spoke, his voice barely a whisper. "It wasn't you. _You_ didn't do anything wrong."

Steve, even more confused than before, asked the million dollar question. The one that even Tony didn't have an answer to. "Then why?" Tony didn't answer.

"Damn it Tony!" Steve growled out. "Why can't you stop hiding your damn emotions and show a little guilt or regret! Get off your fucking high horse and show me that you actually cared about our relationship even just a little!" He hadn't even realized his voice had risen to a shout. When Tony failed to respond he continued, voiced lowered, "Everyone said something like this would happen. I never believed them because I never believed you would do this. Because I love you. Because you loved me. Part of me is still denying it, and will for a while I think. But the evidence is right in front of me and I don't know what to do!" Steve turned away from Tony and his blank, unphased demeanor. "I need some time to think."

Tony just turned and made his way to his workshop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song that Steve was whistling was "Don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me" it can be found here:  
> http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=F5Qx4Y_hUuE


End file.
